Away From it All...

 

    I took some time off to re-evaluate my entire situation in order to conserve energy so that I may be able to fight another day. The struggles of my existence have kicked up a notch and have been unrelenting for the past two years actually. Not sure if it is karmic debt, poor choices or destiny offering me priceless life’s lessons through ceaseless crisis. Let me start by saying I am qualified as a strong individual, capable of overcoming many obstacles. Especially those considered intense and high pressure that could cripple the weak at heart, yet these last two years have been almost unbearable. I must admit I feel that my prison/karmic sentence will come to a close shortly.

    Being a goal oriented and spiritually-minded novice, if I can conceive of it it’s my ambition to manifest it.  That being said not all many aspirations bear fruit for whatever reason, surely laziness is not one. For example my latest endeavors just to name a few; application for two graduate school fellowships, application submitted to the Huggiesinspiredmom.org competition, finish undergraduate classes, entrepreneurial pursuits, raising four children, maintaining my physical fitness and quitting smoking plus my meditation university requirements. I am student to a Trans-Himalayan Meditation School (Morya Federation). Where am (I/Self) in all of this? The fellowships took 3 to 4 months to complete and enormous amount of time and effort and nothing. I was not accepted to either, ok so you move on. Though I am still awaiting response from the Huggies initiative, children are non-stop, love is unpredictable, failed a class for undergrad wonder why?

     So what is my point, my point is fleeting and illusive. If I had a point I would probably feel a lot better about myself. Sometimes I feel as though I do these things just to prove that I wont receive them. Or is it that one day one thing will work out for me. Maybe it is the idea that if I over-exert myself I can say that I did it and not sat on my ass and let the opportunities for advancement pass me by? I mean what would you do if you felt as though you lived in a prison of darkness and the only spark of light was your spiritual aspirations and your dreams? You would try to grow that light and manifest those dreams I suppose? How would you go about doing that? Grab any gift of light that befalls you and follow it to its destination.

    It is not the fact that my initiatives bear little fruit because indeed that come bearing much fruit. The gifts of patience and timing are allotted. Learning that force and will power cannot always knock down the walls that impeded you. I have learned so much about myself in the past few years that my projects have given me a deep realization about myself. This understanding I am grateful for and the notion that I can seriously multi=task any projects from start to full completion. This gives me the impetus to know that now I can run a successful enterprise, raise a loving family, travel, and so on. So the lesson was not in what I was capable of acquiring from these varied tasks but what I received from them on a deeper level. When you forget this point you miss the boat headed towards your true destination and that is self-actualization and realization and I feel closer now than ever before. WOW, thank you blogging you helped me learn myself more clear. So my point may have been to never give in there will be a point eventually.
      When we are living in a state of darkness for long periods of time the major block and obstacle becomes doubt. I should know this I lived and feared it every day for years. Will I ever leave this revolving door of financial distress and mismanagement of my money, was my concern? This is what half of the world ponders over daily; I am not the only one. But I leave you with this thought, my blog is about coming out of darkness and advancing towards something more noble. The operative word being advancing…we will achieve what we set out to achieve.  I say we because I am leaving no weary traveler behind this is my promise. So I blog in my time of darkness and will blog during my time of advancement in order to show you that it can be done. I have no problem admitting to the world that I am not in a place that I wish to be because I am so certain that there will be better I will not be lonely because you will accompany me!

Chou, lovely people…..